It’s been a year of ups and downs for Eat Like a Tourist, the column where I bravely dine at San Francisco’s most touristy restaurants to see if they’re actually good. Union Square’s Cheesecake Factory may have been a disappointing gut bomb, and the Marriott’s View Lounge may have served me rubbery octopus and $25 cocktails, but some of SF’s classic spots proved they are popular for a reason. Here are the best touristy spots I visited in 2023. 

January kicked off with a bang at North Beach’s Sotto Mare, a restaurant that feels like it’s from a bygone era but actually only dates back to 2007. For $49.95, the thing to order here is the crab cioppino, which serves two. Sotto Mare makes cioppino a whole experience, from giving you a large bib that says “The Best Damn Cioppino!” before you start eating to the eclectic decor in the restaurant (think framed historic photos, fish replicas, model ships and seafoam-green walls). The rustic bowl of stew comes heaping with fresh Dungeness crab, clams, shrimp, scallops, squid, mussels, fish and penne pasta in a garlicky tomato broth. With Dungeness crab season about to start in the Bay Area, I’ll happily be coming back here to eat cioppino among the tourists in the very near future. 

The Stinking Rose, a North Beach institution since 1991, is probably the silliest touristy restaurant I’ve ever visited. I didn’t love everything I consumed at the novelty restaurant that proudly declares, “We season our garlic with food,” but the goofy theme still charmed the hell out of me. Amid a backdrop of garlic bulbs hanging from the ceiling, black-and-white checkered floors and a busty mannequin wearing a garlic hat, I feasted on a meal of garlic, garlic and more garlic. Highs: the pungent garlic rose relish, the spicy garlic mussels and the 40-clove garlic chicken. Lows: the garlic martini, which even my server couldn’t pretend to endorse. The garlic ice cream, though, was surprisingly inoffensive. I’d come back here for a laugh and a surprisingly decent meal. 

As much of a seafood lover as I am, I’d somehow never made it to Swan Oyster Depot before this year. Anthony Bourdain called it his “happy zone” for a reason: To be seated at one of the 111-year-old restaurant’s coveted 18 stools feels like winning the lottery. The nostalgic seafood counter was a little overwhelming at first — some of its best dishes aren’t even on the actual menu. But my research on the not-so-secret secret menu paid off: The crab back and the Sicilian sashimi were both divine. The combination salad, which is a plate of bay shrimp, jumbo prawns and Dungeness crab meat on a bed of shredded iceberg lettuce with a side of Louie dressing, was also some of the freshest, tastiest seafood I enjoyed all year.

Century-old San Francisco Chinatown restaurant Sam Wo was once known for having “the world’s rudest waiter”: Edsel Ford Fung, who’s been immortalized in the writings of both San Francisco Chronicle columnist Herb Caen and “Tales of the City” author Armistead Maupin. These days, service at Sam Wo is comparatively quite polite, but the reliably cheap and delicious Cantonese restaurant is still worth a visit. At a post-happy hour dinner with a big group of friends, we chowed down on a generous spread of BBQ pork rice noodle rolls with the restaurant’s signature sinus-clearing hot mustard, pillowy fish jook, sesame chicken, shrimp chow fun, BBQ pork chow mein, Chinese broccoli with oyster sauce and mapo tofu. Even with a round of beers, we dined like kings for only about $20 per person — probably the best deal I’ve ever found at a restaurant frequented by tourists.

To get into the winter holiday spirit, I braved the crowds of Union Square shoppers for afternoon tea at the Rotunda, the restaurant at the top of Neiman Marcus. My hopes for the $54-per-person tea service were not high, but I was pleasantly surprised. The luxe atmosphere may be the main draw of dining here, but I also found the miniature pastries and finger sandwiches quite tasty, from a lemon meringue tart to a smoked salmon and lemon butter sandwich topped with caviar. My favorite dish, though, was the restaurant’s signature popover with whipped strawberry butter. Washed down with a pot of tea and a festive glass of bubbly, I couldn’t recommend the opulent white-tablecloth experience more.