Olly Alexander reportedly got emotional while discussing his decision to continue representing England in the 2024 Eurovision Song Contest in the face of boycott calls over Israel’s participation amidst its ongoing war in Gaza.

“Obviously, there are a lot of things I wish were different,” he told The Times, reportedly through tears (via NME). “And this is so much bigger than me and Eurovision, it really is.”

He added: “Obviously, I wish there wasn’t a war or this insane humanitarian crisis. I wish for peace and I have found this experience, at times, extremely… I’ve just felt really sad and distressed. But I still believe it’s a good thing when people come together for entertainment. That’s why I wanted to do Eurovision.”

Back in March, Alexander was among several Eurovision 2024 participants who issued a statement defending their decision to stay in the contest amidst the boycott calls. Alexander was specifically singled out by one group, Queers for Palestine, in part because, back in Oct. 2023 (before his participation in Eurovision was announced), he signed an open letter from the LGBTQ group Voices4 London calling for a ceasefire and labeling Israel an “apartheid regime.” 

The Queers for Palestine statement was released about a week before Alexander performed at Eurovision pre-party in London in early April. Alexander told The Times he’d “struggled that day” and spent most of it “holed up in a room trying not to have a breakdown.”

He continued: “Normally, you get on stage and turn it on, but I felt really unable to do that. It was tough… I just could not get it together and then I felt ashamed of myself and embarrassed.”

Alexander said he supported “ceasefire, returning the hostages, the safety and security of all people in Gaza,” and argued that his participation in Eurovision “isn’t going to make a difference to those things, so that’s why I’m still doing it… I believe it’s good to come together with music. I’m still hoping to enjoy some aspects of it.”