For many years now, there has been circulating a continuously expanding poem. Itsleaping-off place is the first verse of “That’s Amore,” the song by Harry Warren and Jack Brooksmade famous by crooner Dean Martin:
When the moon hits your eyeLike a big pizza pie,That’s amore.
Something about the rhythm of the lines and the sounds of that last line has inspired mypun pals to soar hilariously from the launch pad of the original. Sing along with the best oftheirs take-offs:
When an eel bites your heelAnd a twinge you do feel,That’s a moray.
If a sea creature didMake you scream, “Oh, you squid!”:Calamary.
When our habits are strangeAnd our customs deranged,That’s our mores.
When the heather and grassTogether they mass,That’s a moor, eh?
When Othello’s poor wifeGets carved up with a knife,That’s a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knightDraws a sword for a fight,That’s Samurai.
Ray Charles gained so much fameThat his fans screamed his name:“Sing some more, Ray!”
If you want to have funBy being top gun,Join NRA.
A New Zealander manWith a permanent tan:That’s a Maori
If your vitamins beMainly C, D, and E,Take some more A
When a camera just mightCatch your halo of light,That’s an aura.
When you might make a feastFor some alien beast,That’s Sigourney.
When Canadians fightWith their guns in the night,That’s a war, eh?
When you’re eating with cowsAnd the cuisine just wows,That’s some more hay.
Once your girlfriend was hot.Now she’s wife, and she’s notAnymore, eh?
The Harry Potter sagaMakes readers go gaga.That’s a story!
Watching Zorro run throughAll the bad guys helps youLearn some swordplay.
Avocado mashed upAnd dished out from a cup:Guacamole
An old Aussie birdIn prehistory occurred.That’s a Moa, eh?
Martha. Stewart tops weedsWith gold sesame seeds.
That’s potpourri.
When the top-ranking WhigCalls the P.M. a prig,That’s a Tory.
When rangers in hoodsLead treks through the woods,That’s a foray.
When an area stocksA great number of rocks,That’s a quarry.
When you get in a fightWith a guy of great height,You’ll be sore, eh?
When a sting ray is allThat they sell at a mall,That’s a mall ray.
When a doc scans your headOn a magnetic bed,That’s M-R-I.
Our serial punIts course it has run.So no more play.
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Originally Published: