As soon as Lauren Marie Fleming learned to write, xe was eager to share it with others. One of her earliest memories is of racing up to her father when he got home from working on the farm and making him watch her write her name in red crayon, something xe’d just learned to do that day. (Lauren uses the neopronoun xe, pronounced “zee,” which can be used by nonbinary, gender nonconforming, and transgender people.)
“Since then, I’ve been that kid eager to escape into the written word. My family has had some horrible tragedies befall us, and writing got me through each one. My journal is my best friend, therapist, and life coach all in one, and I always have about seven different books or movies I’m working on at once,” xe says. “I’ve taken many paths throughout my life — film school, law school, living abroad, working with celebrities, running my own business — but the one thing that’s remained constant throughout my life was my love of a damn good story.”
That love of stories has been evident in her work as founder of her School for Writers online education company helping amateur and professional writers publish their books, as a speaker, writing coach, author, and columnist for publications including Vice and the Huffington Post. Her novel, “Because Fat Girl,” is being released Oct. 22 and is a contemporary romantic fiction story about a writer and filmmaker who’s fat, queer, and femme trying to get her original screenplay produced, and begins to develop romantic feelings for someone she doesn’t expect — a cisgender, heterosexual male A-list actor. (An in-person event for her book is scheduled for Oct. 27 at Mysterious Galaxy Bookstore in Point Loma.)
Fleming, 41, lives in Banker’s Hill and previously earned a bachelor’s degree in cinema from San Francisco State University and a law degree from the University of Oregon, where xe specialized in the effect of obscenity laws on LGBTQ rights and international immigration and refugee law. Xe took some time to talk about her latest book, the inclusion and diversity within it, and looking forward to filling her home up with the stories that reflect the range of her own community.
Q: Congratulations on your book, “Because Fat Girl.” First, can you talk about what inspired this story? The acknowledgements in the book mention a dream you had in 2017 where Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson asked you out?
A: In 2017, I had a dream that Dwayne Johnson asked me out — and I turned him down. I couldn’t imagine being the queer fat girl dating The Rock. At the time, I was working on a deeply personal novel about the grief I felt after my brother died and my border town roots (I grew up in Imperial County and came to San Diego for summer to avoid the sweltering heat). I was so close to finishing that novel, which was tentatively called “Home Bound,” but every time I went to sit down to do my final edits, I just wanted to write about The Rock and me falling in love. Not just the fun exciting parts, but the way an event like that would completely upheave my whole sense of self, making me look at sexual fluidity, body image, and all of the stories I tell myself about worthiness and success. So, I let myself write it. What had been a funny dream turned into a poignant novel all about a group of diverse friends trying to make “Home Bound” into a movie.
Q: The book is a funny, warm story about family, friendships, professional success, and love, but it also addresses topics including fatphobia, self-harm, homophobia, struggling with questions of sexuality and identity and one’s place in their community. What was your approach to including these issues within a romantic fiction story and figuring out how to strike the right balance for the overall tone you wanted to take with the book?
A: As someone who was raised in a conservative, rural farming town on the border, and who has spent most of her adult life in progressive queer communities, I spend a lot of my time walking that line between worlds and bridging the perceived gaps. While in law school, I interned at the National Center for Lesbian Rights and did legal research to help with Obergefell v. Hodges, the case that legalized same-sex marriage nationally. During that research, I came across a study that showed people were something like 75 percent more likely to be pro-gay marriage if they’d heard love stories featuring gay people. It made me realize the power I held as a writer to help us see the universal humanity in everyone, including ourselves.
I don’t write fatphobia, transphobia, homophobia, racism, and ableism into my work because I’m trying to check some boxes, I’m just writing about the reality of the world around me and the oppressions my friends and I face. Just like I write about our drama, joy, and happiness, too. It’s all a part of life and I want to both diffuse the pain through laughter and normalize standing up against oppression together. I didn’t think happiness and success were accessible to me as a queer, fat, neurodiverse person until I read it in a book. Suddenly, it felt possible to me, even if only in my imagination. I write to show others the possibility inside themselves, as well. I write to help expand people’s ideas of who deserves love and acceptance (spoiler alert, everyone). Most importantly, I write for those people who, like me, desperately need to feel less alone in the world.
What I love about Banker’s Hill…
What’s not to love about Banker’s Hill? We’ve got 1,200 acres of nature, museums, and the zoo right in our backyard with Balboa Park. The area is a mix of historical landmarks and new builds, with people of varying socioeconomic situations all living as neighbors. Our area is accessible by transit, with those wonderful new bike lanes I appreciate and use. We’ve got fabulous restaurants and bars, along with easy access to Little Italy, downtown, Hillcrest, and North Park. And when I’m feeling the travel bug bite, I can be in Tijuana eating tacos in 30 minutes or at the airport in 10. But more than any of that, I love the people I meet here. Everyone in my building is friendly, the neighbors all say hi when I’m out walking my dog, and the restaurants and cafes know me by name. It’s a dream and I feel grateful every day for finding my place here.
Q: Your press material quotes you as saying, “Our lives are defined by the stories we tell. I want to help us tell better stories.” How do you define what better stories look like?
A: To me, better stories are ones that are more empathetic, educational, and empowering. I grew up hearing stories full of limitations. I couldn’t love someone openly because I was queer. I couldn’t be fashionable because I was fat. I couldn’t make a career out of my writing because there’s no money in it. As I grew up and life proved those limiting stories to be absolutely false, I started to wonder what other narratives I could rewrite, not just in my life, but in the world around me. All of my clients at School for Writers come from uniquely diverse backgrounds, but one thing is common: they’re all trying to make the world a better place through story.
Q: In the last half of the book, the main character talks about her embrace of the phrase “because fat girl.” Can you talk about what this phrase means and how you arrived at defining it for yourself in this way?
A: “Because fat girl” is a phrase taken from the body-positive movement that embraces all of the horrible and beautiful nuances of existing in a larger body. It’s a reclamation and a declaration all in one. Once, as a young child, a doctor told me I would never get a boyfriend if I didn’t lose weight. The idea that I was unlovable because of my size was something reiterated by the adults around me throughout my life, sometimes overtly, other times subtly. For years, my doctor withheld vital medical information from me and instead told me to lose weight, causing irreversible harm that led me to having an organ removed — all “because fat girl.” That’s the reality of existing in a larger feminine body in our society. But, there are also beautiful ways to view my experience as a person in a larger body. My lover is attracted to me because of my curves. My largeness required me to learn to take up space in a room. My size made it so I couldn’t follow trends and had to develop my own kind of unique fashion sense. My ostracization made me more empathetic to others. My embrace of my body empowers others to embrace all aspects of themselves, as well. I got to this place of self-acceptance and self-love because of my size, not in spite of it.
Q: This week is Banned Books Week, celebrating the freedom to read and particularly to explore new ideas and different perspectives. What does the inclusion of the different characters in your book, and their identities, add that we don’t typically see in publishing? And, why is it important to include these kinds of characters, especially in light of the bans we’ve seen targeting books that focus on LGBTQ and BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) stories?
A: I remember the first time I heard Lucille Bogan sing about “B.D. women” in a scratchy recording from the 1920s (a song where Bogan sings from the position of a gender nonconforming person). I was in complete shock and awe that not only did queer people exist openly at that time, they were also creating art that was widely distributed and enjoyed. Just right here in San Diego, near where I currently live, long-time partners Alice Lee and Katherine Teats were a vital and influential part of the community, helping to develop Balboa Park and even visiting the White House as a couple to talk with Teddy Roosevelt; but we don’t hear about any of these women and their counterparts because of the conservative backlash that happened in the 1930s to the ’50s in the U.S. and abroad, that burned our books and attempted to erase us from history.
Even now, our stories are often told by allies, with roles for trans and queer characters often going to cis and straight people. When we went to create a list of comparative titles to “Because Fat Girl,” we couldn’t find any books that dealt with the subject of a queer-identified woman finding herself attracted to a cisgender man and struggling with what that means for her identity and sense of self. I know they have to exist somewhere, and I hope to read more of them someday, but the only mainstream comparison we could find was (the movie) “Chasing Amy.” I loved that film, but it isn’t lost on me that the only similar story to mine is a movie from the ’90s written from the straight man’s point of view. Our lack of representation in media is not accidental, it’s purposeful erasure of our existence. We can stop it, though, by buying LGBTQ books, reading them, talking about them, and sharing them-and by voting those trying to ban books out of office.
Q: What was missing from the kinds of stories you were drawn to reading when you were growing up, that you would’ve liked to see?
A: While I appreciate that publishing has made strides in diversity, I would love to see more intersectionality in books. I’ve encountered many well-meaning people in my publishing career that warn me to choose a lane: fat, queer, or neurodiverse. As if I can’t exist as all three and still be published. Once again, this is why it was so important for me to make “Because Fat Girl” so intersectional, because none of us are monoliths. My community is diverse in every sense of that term, and I look forward to the day when my bookshelf fully reflects that.
Q: What’s been challenging about your work?
A: The world isn’t always nice to queer, fat, neurodiverse people, especially on the Internet. I think one of the most challenging parts of my writing career-which has spanned over 30 years, 20 of which I was trying to make a living from my craft-has been overcoming other people’s ideas of what I should and shouldn’t say, do, or be, and gathering the strength to be out and proud as I am.
Q: What’s been rewarding about this work?
A: Community by far. I am so damn grateful for the beautiful, supportive, and caring community of writers, friends, colleagues, readers, and book lovers I have around me. I wouldn’t be here today to appreciate the harvest if I hadn’t had people to help me sow the seeds. I’m in complete awe of the humans I get to interact with daily, and so honored by the early responses we’ve been getting to “Because Fat Girl.” I love that this book is expanding my community and encouraging others to build supportive groups of their own.
Q: What has this work taught you about yourself?
A: The more I’m unabashedly and proudly me, the more I can inspire, connect with, and positively impact others.
Q: What is the best advice you’ve ever received?
A: My friend, fellow author, and mentor Kevin Smokler once warned me early in my career that people will spend a lot of time and money to learn how to be a writer while avoiding the one thing they absolutely have to do: write. I’ve taken that to heart both in my own writing practice and at my company, School for Writers. Above all, put that butt in the chair and write. Everything else can come later. First, you must write.
Q: What is one thing people would be surprised to find out about you?
A: When I lived in San Francisco, I worked as a nude model for art classes, including multiple sessions posing for a group of Pixar animators while they worked on “Cars”!
Q: Please describe your ideal San Diego weekend.
A: Every Saturday morning, my “Write Your Friggin’ Book Already” program has a virtual writing session, so I’d start my day writing with my clients and friends. Then, my sister and her kids would come pick me up and we’d go to Cabrillo National Monument to hike around and enjoy my favorite view in town. After that, we’d either head down to the docks for fresh fish at Mitch’s Seafood, or over to the Hotel Del Coronado for the best gluten-free fish sandwich in town, both of them having fabulous views. I’d probably end the night on her sofa in Del Cerro watching whatever TV show we’re currently binging as a family and sipping the blue chamomile tea from PARU, our favorite local tea company. Alternatively, if my sister’s kids are with their dad, I’d end the evening playing cards with her at Barrel and Board, Corner Drafthouse, or North Park Beer Co.
My favorite Sunday morning activity is reading the physical newspaper cover to cover, and I especially love to do that while devouring a plate of huevos rancheros at Old Town Mexican Café or Jimmy Carter’s, or driving down to Aqui es Texcoco in Chula Vista for barbacoa. After that, I’d go to one of our many fabulous coffee shops in town-Ultreya, Mnemonic, and Public Square being three of my favorites-and read or write some more. My afternoon would probably consist of walking through Balboa Park with my dog, Albee, and riding the buckets at the zoo at sunset (after dropping Albee back at home). Since it’s my ideal day, I would end it with a delicious and nutritious meal that miraculously cooked itself and cleaned up after itself.
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