Dear Amy: I have a wonderful marriage of several decades with “Lance.” He helps me in the garden (even though it’s my interest and not his), does his own laundry, etc.
All that said, he’s a terrible slob in the kitchen. He chops fruit for his breakfast and leaves the peels and rinds on the juice-soaked cutting board, slices pieces from the loaf of bread then leaves it out on the counter amid piles of crumbs, and leaves his meal leftovers piled in the sink.
I have tried everything, from strongly reprimanding him to cleaning up after him like he’s a toddler to ignoring it, hoping he’ll see how bad it gets. However, I travel for work and am often gone for a few nights at a time — during which time the kitchen becomes a disaster. Now we have fruit flies, house flies and mice.
I can’t seem to convince him that this is important, even as the mice leave trails of droppings behind them. How do I get him to clean up after himself in the kitchen?
Amy says: My idea is somewhat … out there. I suggest that you, yet again, describe this problem and outline both the health and hygiene issues, as well as the burden this places on you. Tell your husband, “You’re so great about other things. I just don’t understand why this is such a block for you. Can you try harder to clean up after yourself in the kitchen?”
Listen for his explanation. Then deliver your own consequence. Tell him, “I’m so frustrated by this. The next time I find food waste festering on the counter and sink, I’m going to serve it to you.”
When this happens again, scoop up all of the peelings, leavings and mouse dirt, put it all into a container (with a lid), and leave it on his plate. Draw a heart on a Post-It note and stick it on the lid.
RIP funerals
Dear Amy: I am retired from active clergy work. While I miss the contact with people that position provided, I am so very glad not to have to deal with the behind-the-scenes fights occurring at funerals.
At the gravesite for my very first funeral service, a health care provider let loose on the elderly widower, degrading him about his lack of caring for his wife. I wish that I could say that was a one-of-a-kind experience. But after more than 21 years of ministry I can say, sadly, that I can count on one hand the number of “good funerals.”
After reading one of your recent columns, I realized how relieved I am not to have to “gear up” for what should be celebrations of life. Please urge your readers to change their attitudes.
Amy says: Funerals are high-stress events. I give credit to clergy and funeral directors who work so hard to try to keep the peace.