After years of struggling with her body image, Billie Eilish had to ask herself: What was I made for?
In a new interview for Variety’s The Power of Women issue, the 21-year-old singer, who just scored Record of the Year and Song of the Year nominations for the “Barbie” behemoth “What Was I Made For?”, opened up about the heavy scrutiny her body has received over the past few years.
“I have big boobs,” Eilish declared. “I’ve had big boobs since I was nine years old, and that’s just the way I am. That’s how I look. You wear something that’s at all revealing, and everyone’s like, ‘Oh, but you didn’t want people to sexualize you?’ You can suck my ass! I’m literally a being that is sexual sometimes. Fuck you!”
When Eilish burst onto the music scene at just 14 years old with her debut single “Ocean Eyes,” and three years later with her debut album “When We All Fall Asleep, Where Do We Go?”, she almost entirely rocked a wardrobe of over-sized and extremely baggy clothes.
The Grammy winner admits that she often dresses in clothes that don’t show off her body, in order to hide it from the world and the judgement that comes from being in the public eye.
“I wasn’t trying to have people not sexualize me,” she explained. “But I didn’t want people to have access to my body, even visually. I wasn’t strong enough and secure enough to show it. If I had shown it at that time, I would have been completely devastated if people had said anything. Maybe my not really caring about being sexualized is because I’ve never felt desired or desirable.”
The “Happier Than Ever” singer recognizes there is a double standard in Hollywood and blames men for creating the system for judges women based on what they look like instead of who they are.
“Nobody ever says a thing about men’s bodies. If you’re muscular, cool. If you’re not, cool. If you’re rail thin, cool. If you have a dad bod, cool. If you’re pudgy, love it! Everybody’s happy with it. You know why? Because girls are nice. They don’t give a f—k because we see people for who they are!”
Eilish, who was last romantically linked to Jesse Rutherford of the alternative band The Neighbourhood (the two split in May 2022 after eight months of dating), revealed that she has also felt “attracted” to women.
“I love [women] so much,” the “bad Guy” singer explained. “I love them as people. I’m attracted to them as people. I’m attracted to them for real. I have deep connections with women in my life, the friends in my life, the family in my life,” the singer-songwriter continued. “I’m physically attracted to them. But I’m also so intimidated by them and their beauty and their presence.”
Although she has been able to recognize the beauty in others, Eilish struggled with being able to recognize her own beauty.
“I’ve never felt like a woman, to be honest with you,” Eilish revealed. “I’ve never felt desirable. I’ve never felt feminine. I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl. I identify as ‘she/her’ and things like that, but I’ve never really felt like a girl.”
She added: “I’ve never really felt like I could relate to girls very well.”