If the Stoolies existed in 1963, they might’ve solved the JFK assassination.
The ardent fans of Barstool Sports have identified two cases in which they believe Connor Stalions appeared in videos featuring company founder and Michigan alum Dave Portnoy.
Stalions, a former marine, resigned from the Michigan football program after he was accused of being the ringleader of a sophisticated, multi-year sign-stealing gambit.
Barstool’s college football pregame show, featuring Portnoy, Dan Katz, Brandon Walker and Kayce Smith was in Ann Arbor on Saturday before Michigan faced its hated rival, Ohio State.
As Portnoy was discussing the sign-stealing matter, which resulted in Michigan head coach Jim Harbaugh getting suspended from the sidelines for the team’s final three regular season games by the Big Ten, a man dressed as a security guard and wearing sunglasses handed Portnoy a sheet of paper.
“Uh oh, who is that?” Katz asked Portnoy, as Walker also questioned, “Who? Who?”
Not answering their questions, Portnoy read the note.
“I got some evidence that just came to my attention. Ryan Day is going to be suspended for longer than Jim Harbuagh was, because he has been cheating and in the act — far worse than [Harbaugh] — and I have some proof that just came to my desk,” Portnoy said.
Smith asked him, “Who just handed you that paper?” to which Portnoy responded, “I don’t know who that was.”
Katz said that he thought he saw the security guard on the Central Michigan sidelines — a reference to allegations of Stalions advance-scouting Michigan State earlier this season — as the questioning of whether it was Stalions continued.
“Oh my god, it was Connor Stalions,” Barstool fan Dillon Zulkowski tweeted Tuesday morning after having a new revelation. “My brain is in more of a blender than @BFW [Walker].”
Asked by The Post if it was Stalions in the video, Katz responded, “No comment.”
Portnoy sent The Post an indirect answer that nonetheless probably resolved the question: “Connor Stalions is a Marine and an American Hero.”
This would not be the only time Stalions presumably made a surreptitious appearance in Barstool lore over the weekend.
On Monday, eagle-eyed viewer Mike Trainor spotted a man he believed to be Stalions in Portnoy’s pizza review from Sicily’s in Detroit.
“Hey @stoolpresidente, any idea if the guy in sunglasses can help fix a vacuum for me?” Trainor asked, referring to rumors that Stalions and Michigan running back Blake Corum were involved in an appliance repair business together.
“Gonna need it when Maize and Blue confetti covers the turf in Indy next week.”
Portnoy answered, “I don’t know what you mean but I know fixing vacuums is an honest living.”
The man in question was wearing the same Barstool-branded Michigan hat as Portnoy, who has previously offered Stalions a lifetime job at the media outlet.
Despite Harbaugh’s absence, Michigan defeated Ohio State for the third consecutive season on Saturday.