I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at a burger again after biting into 20 different patties at this year’s Denver Burger Battle, which took place on Aug. 3.
Judging the beefy brawl at Tivoli Quad felt like a real-life “Man Vs. Food” moment as I joined seven other foodies at the table. Runners brought us unlabeled quarter slices of four burgers every 20 minutes and we ranked them on a scale of 1 to 10; a 1 meant that “the Hamburgler had the opportunity to steal this burger, he’d decline and go to the KFC across the street,” according to the rules laid out for us, while a 10 meant “I would sell my house, my spouse, and my children just to taste this delicious masterpiece again.”
It was a lot of food. But luckily, the judges who had done this before warned me beforehand to pace myself and only take one small bite of each. That way, I wouldn’t explode, and each burger would get a fair shot. I also came prepared with some stretchy pants, and took a swig from a bottle of digestive bitters, so I could peacefully lay horizontally on my couch afterward.
Meanwhile, hundreds of attendees — one dressed in a burger shirt, burger hat and burger shoes — were rushing from tent to tent to try the same burgers.
Despite the quantity, however, there was plenty of quality, and my tastebuds didn’t stop dancing all night as I made my way through the strong lineup. Some restaurants took risks with wild flavor combinations, including Illegal Burger’s birria burger with a side of consommé; The Original’s donut slider; or Stanley Beer Hall’s limoncello burger with balsamic marshmallow fluff, Limoncello creamed goat cheese, strawberries and Pop Rocks.
One of my personal faves, despite how busy it was with ingredients was The Mighty Sweet Heat from Mighty Burger, which included spicy raspberry jam and house pickled jalapeños slathered with melty cream cheese and topped with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and bacon.
But in the end, simplicity prevailed. Snarfburger was crowned the Judge’s Winner. The double beef patty with cheese, lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, mayo, mustard, ketchup and hot sauce on a buttery toasted bun made us fall in love with the Colorado chain all over again. It ended up being the only burger I scored a 10 among all 20 of the selections.
Second place for both myself and other judges went to Stoney’s Bar and Grill with its PB&JJ Smashburger, topped with peanut butter, jalapenos, strawberry jam and potato chips. (Just thinking about it might make me rescind my earlier statement about never eating a burger again.)
And the reigning champ, The Cherry Cricket, took home the People’s Choice award with its rich Cricket Royale burger, featuring braised short rib, bone marrow, caramelized onions, duxelles, melted Swiss cheese, roasted garlic onion jam, black pepper aioli and crispy onions on a pretzel bun. Boy, was that a hard one to get every ingredient in one bite.
Oddly enough, this year’s results were the same as the 2021 Denver Burger Battle, so maybe we can all put this local burger debate to rest. At least until next year.