For The San Diego Union-Tribune
So maybe they do have a shelf life
The Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering its first regulations for ultra-processed foods, such as soda, prepackaged cookies and breakfast cereals. These foods make up roughly 60 percent of all calories consumed by the typical American, but are notoriously laden with unhealthy ingredients, from excessive sugar and salt to preservatives that reportedly make Twinkies indestructible.
(Actually, that’s a myth. The official shelf life of a Twinkie is 26 days. After 45 days, it starts to become hard and brittle.)
No need to rush out to stockpile your Count Chocula and Oreos, however. Any FDA regulations are likely years, perhaps decades, away.
Calling for mental health
The national suicide and mental health crisis hotline — dial 988 — was formally launched two years ago, but public awareness has been mixed. A survey found that 67 percent of Americans have at least heard of 988, but only 23 percent were familiar with its purpose and services.
Callers in need can obtain information and guidance about finding help and support in their area.
Body of knowledge
Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never shaved or trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet in length over his lifetime.
Get me that. Stat!
There are 6,120 hospitals in the United States totaling 916,752 beds. Total admissions in 2022 was 33,679,935 patients.
Doc talk
Nocturia — waking up more than once during the night to urinate
Mania of the week
Onychotillomania — compulsive picking at one’s fingernails
Never say diet
The Major League Eating speed-eating record for kosher pickles is 2.7 pounds in 6 minutes, held by Brian Seiken. It was many dills a minute.
Best medicine
Doctor: “What happened to you Mr. Peebles? You look awful?”
Mr. Peebles: “Well, doc, you told me to take this medicine for three days and then skip a day, and all that skipping wore me out.”
Observation
“When I buy cookies, I eat just four and throw the rest away. But first I spray them with Raid so I won’t dig them out of the garbage later. Be careful, though, because that Raid really doesn’t taste that bad.”
— American comedian Janette Barber (1953-)
Medical history
This week in 1829, the original “Siamese twins” Chang and Eng Bunker (1811-1874) arrived in Boston aboard the ship Sachem to be exhibited to the Western world. They were born of Chinese parents in Siam (Thailand). Upon immigrating to the U.S., they adopted Bunker as their surname.
The twins were joined at the waist by a band of cartilage roughly 8 inches in circumference and 4 inches long. Only after their death was it discovered that this band could have been easily separated.
Robert Hunter, a British merchant, discovered them in 1829 and contracted with them to be exhibited as a curiosity in a world tour. Later, the twins went into business for themselves. In 1839, they settled in Wilkesboro, N.C., became U.S. citizens and married two sisters with whom they raised 10 children.
They died on Jan. 17, 1874 at the age of 62 — the longest-living conjoined twins until 2012. An autopsy suggested Chang died of a cerebral blood clot. His brother, Eng, who was aware Chang had passed, died two hours later. His cause of death was not officially determined.
Perishable publications
Many, if not most, published research papers have titles that defy comprehension. They use specialized jargon, complex words and opaque phrases like “nonlinear dynamics.” Sometimes they don’t, and yet they’re still hard to figure out. Here’s an actual title of actual published research study: “Pair of lice lost or parasites regained.”
Published in BMC Biology in 2007, this paper recounted the evolutionary history of primate lice, which basically sucks.
Self-exam
Q: What is the primary acid found in the stomach?
a) Hydrochloric
b) Sulfuric
c) Nitric
d) Carbonic
A: a) hydrochloric. Sulfuric and nitric are mineral acids. Carbonic acid is created by solutions of carbon dioxide in water (carbonated water). It is very weak and is excreted by the lungs as a gas.
Last words
“I have taken care of everything in life, only not for death — and now I have to die completely unprepared.”
— Notorious Italian politician Cesare Borgia (1475-1507 — a major inspiration for “The Prince” by Niccolò Machiavelli)
LaFee is vice president of communications for the Sanford Burnham Prebys research institute.
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