No matter how busy Obed and Elena Brefo may be as they prepare their three children for the new school year, they remain committed to cultivating their kids’ spiritual growth.
In the midst of a bustling time, Pastor Obed and his wife Elena of King’s Cross Church in Pacific Beach continue to pray with their kids every day, read scripture together, and serve the homeless population in their community — activities important in their efforts to raise faith-filled children in a busy secular world.
The Brefos, whose children are ages 7, 9, and 11, have suggestions for other harried parents dedicated to cultivating their families’ faith — and they eagerly follow the examples of parents in their congregation who are succeeding as they face the same demanding task.
Kelly Bonde, principal of the Diocese of San Diego’s St. Katharine Drexel Academy and a mother of three, does the same.
The Bondes and Brefos could seek inspiration from Pastor David D. Cajiuat of San Diego’s Anchor Baptist Church. His three adult children with wife Charlotte remain active in their churches and dedicated to their Christian faith — thanks to his family’s longtime and dogged determination to raise faithful kids.
“In our case, we base our authority in life on God’s word,” Caijuat explains. “If we raise our children with the basic moral values that God has established in his word, as they get older it translates into their own values.”
He says preparing children for their future means keeping the lines of communication open with preteens and teenagers, training them to make informed decisions based on their faith, and learning to trust those who are trustworthy, beginning with their parents.
Elena Brefo says that parents who belong to King’s Cross church are likable, respectable role models and most are happy to share their tips and tricks for raising faith-filled children. As a result, the church hosts forums such as parenting nights and other activities.
“Raising faithful children is easier when you are plugged into a local church that prioritizes families,” she says.
Bonde with Diocese said faith, like any other important activity, must become part of the family’s daily routine.
Sustaining faith practice as the school year begins, Bonde says, requires families to “go slow and be gentle, because it takes up to six weeks to get back into a routine.” Also, she finds useful hacks — such as substituting the Bible into the bedtime reading routine — to make faith an everyday habit.
Pastor Brefo said balancing children’s growing faith with a family’s scheduling demands means continued commitment to spirituality, with the acknowledgment of time constraints.
“One of the things that removes pressure or expectation of any kind is the knowledge that any kind of Bible or prayer needs to be at a certain time, or that it needs to last an hour,” he says.
“We have our weekly Bible reading with the family and rather than reading a whole chapter we may read one verse and then discuss it and pray,” he said. “Thus we’re able to sustain religious practices in the midst of a busy season.
Our kids don’t have to sit quietly and focus,” Brefo said. “They’re going to be rolling on the floor, picking their noses — but it’s OK for family devotions occasionally to be messy and chaotic.”
Pastor Cajiuat said consistency is key to integrating faith into family, including establishing before-meal and before-bed prayers and Bible study.
“Whenever good or bad things happened in life, we always took them to prayer,” he said. “We let them see that it wasn’t just at mealtime and bedroom — but about all things in their lives. Even as they grew older, we encouraged our kids, saying ‘let’s pray about it’ when they had an issue or wanted to ask God for something. We reminded them that prayer is a part of life that’s just as important as breathing.”
Also, the Brefos say, it’s important for children to know they can come to their parents with any question imaginable and receive a patient, faith-filled response.
“On Saturday I had the sex talk with our son who is about the go into middle school,” Pastor Brefo said. “We want to be parents who love and care for him, and we want to be the first ones to expose him to this most intimate and important part of life. We’re aware of what’s out there and we want to make sure we’re the first to expose our children to certain things.”
Parents concerned with their kids’ spiritual lives have a wealth of resources at their fingertips in the form of YouTube videos, faith-based networks, podcasts, books and films.
“We try to take advantage of resources that help us teach kids about our faith,” Pastor Brefo said. “Presently we’re watching Right Now Media, the Christian version of Netflix. We don’t have to develop our own Bible study — we can take advantage in this busy time of useful resources to teach our kids the values we hold.”
Bonde said even the youngest children can learn faith-based values, such as honesty, compassion, and forgiveness. Her youngest child is 2 years old and like all toddlers he likes to both play and bicker with his older siblings.
“He may be too young to memorize prayers, but he knows to stop, pause, think and be grateful,” Bonde said. “He understands the behaviors our faith teaches us.”
The lasting way to teach children is for parents to provide good, consistent examples of faith and behavior, Bonde said.
“We shouldn’t compartmentalize our faith to Mass and prayers, but show our kids the skills and traits we want to see from an early age,” she said.
Pastor Cajiuat agrees, and says consistency is key.
“Reflecting the image of God from scripture is the best way to raise faith-filled children because they watch us and they want to emulate us. My Dad was the godliest man I ever met,” he adds, “and I try to live the same way he did.”
Douglas is a freelance writer.