Growing up, I felt anxious and overwhelmed. My career path is one that I never could have expected when I was that constantly worried kid.
Today, I’ve written 10 books and journals about happiness, gratitude, habits and resilience. My goal is to help other people who struggle with those negative spirals tune out the noise and help people develop a more positive, resilient mindset.
I have a two minute, science-backed, ruthlessly simple system that helps me get on track whenever I start to feel my anxiety spike.
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This practice is called Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud. I do it solo, or with friends and with my family, and it makes me feel happier, and more at peace, every single day.
Here’s how it works:
1. I highlight small pleasures
I start by writing down my first Rose. It’s something I’m grateful for from the day, no matter how small. This could be something like getting to a meeting late but the boss getting there even later. Or the half hour of silence I got when both my kids were napping.
My second Rose is another small win or tiny pleasure from the day, like how cold and refreshing the shower was at the end of my run, or when my favorite song came on the radio.
Science shows that acknowledging these “roses” are good for our overall well-being.
In 2003, psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough published a foundational study called “Counting Blessings Versus Burdens.” In their research, they found that after a 10-week period, the test groups who wrote down “gratitudes” weren’t just happier but also physically healthier, versus the students who wrote down “hassles” or “events.”
2. I process moments of hardship
Next it’s time for a Thorn: something that didn’t go well, a moment of suffering, or the hardest part of the day. This could be something like still not hearing back from the doctor, getting into a fight with a family member or falling into a social media hole.
We need space to vent, process, be heard and move through the emotion.
Thorns are good for us in a different way. Think of sharing thorns as helping to clarify and ultimately let go of what challenges us.
Writing about emotional experiences, including negative ones, improves well-being and reduces stress. When you are coping with trauma, sharing negative emotions can help the healing process, research shows.
3. I identify something to look forward to
Finally, a Bud: something to anticipate and get excited about. It can be tonight, this weekend or even fifty years from now!
This could be making a stack of pancakes on Saturday. When my dad’s surgery finally gets scheduled. Renting a villa in Morocco when I turn a hundred.
A 2005 paper from psychologists Sonja Lyubormirsky, Kennon Sheldon, and David Schkade called “Pursuing Happiness,” found setting and anticipating goals and events makes us happier.
I have found that doing this habit every day is like wiping a wet cloth over the blackboard of my mind. It’s a routine that helps me connect, share and reflect. Since I started doing it, I have felt so much more content.
I hope it does the same for you.
Neil Pasricha is a leading authority on intentional living. He is a New York Times bestselling author of 10 books and journals, including “The Happiness Equation” and “Two Minute Evenings.” He hosts the award-winning podcast 3 Books, and has given speeches at TED Talks and SXSW. Follow him on Twitter.
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