“They told me I have to find a mentor,” he said.

“A mentor?” I asked, dumbfounded, a la George Costanza in this iconic “Seinfeld” episode (“I still don’t understand this. Abby has a mentor?”).

“A mentor for what?” I asked him.

Matt laughed. “For life, I guess.”

Jokingly, I told Matt I thought he really did need a mentor — a rookie smoker innocent enough to get caught was a delinquent in need of reform.

Though the idea of mentorship initially bewildered me, I now believe every young person should have a mentor, or a few. I went on to have several throughout many different phases and aspects of my early 20s — in entrepreneurship, economics, journalism, theology and the arts. Some were incredible, others perhaps disappointing, but I’m beyond grateful for all of them. They helped me discern my career path and advance toward my goals, personal and professional.

For this week’s column, I caught up with Matt and other recent grads about how mentorship has been a turning point in our lives and careers. Here are five tips on finding, keeping and cherishing mentorship.

In the words of Michael Coffee, my high school AP English teacher and one of my earliest mentors: “Sometimes your mentor finds you. They can be like guardian angels.”

This doesn’t mean there aren’t actionable steps you can take to increase your likelihood of finding a mentor, but direct asks and cold emails aren’t the best or only ways to get one. It’s all about helping the right people find you.

To do this, you need to make yourself, your works-in-progress and your accomplishments visible. Showing up to in-person events still makes a huge difference.

Madi Meyer, a recent graduate and special-education teacher from Michigan, met her mentor, Hannah, while seated at the same table at a church event. Meyer says they instantly connected — both have backgrounds in teaching — and they now meet biweekly to discuss faith, work and life. Meyer says Hannah has been able to hold her accountable in setting work-life boundaries and avoiding burnout as a young teacher. Meeting in a physical space (church) where they already shared something in common (faith) helped them make the connection.

Once you’ve met a potential mentor, make sure to follow up. Joe Drey, 25, spared no time doing so after he met his mentor, Steve, at an academic panel discussion. Over the course of his senior year, in committed office-hours conversations, Steve helped Drey discover his passion for higher education, eventually offering him a job. Drey says young people searching for a mentor should attend events, speeches and seminars, and “take the initiative” to express their interest and enthusiasm to potential mentors: “Remember, sometimes, a chance encounter can evolve into a transformative mentoring relationship.”

Visibility is a two-way street — you need to go places where you can find mentors but also make yourself known to them while you’re there. Don’t be shy — politely yet assertively advocate for yourself and share your wins. As a first-time entrepreneur in college, I knew I needed guidance. So, I started showing up to events at my university’s entrepreneurship center, applying to accelerators and other business development programs and sharing my start-up’s progress with others.

Once I had made myself a little bit less invisible — despite not having accomplished much yet — I received several introductions to mentors. If you ever feel awkward initiating a conversation with a potential mentor, remember that helpful people are already looking for you. You just have to make yourself easier to find.

2. Have a clear goal or project you want help with

Asking for “mentorship” in general or “20 minutes to chat” might seem flattering, but it’s often too vague of an ask to get a mentor to commit themselves. Instead, find a point of connection, such as a shared interest or alumni affiliation, and reach out with a specific ask. (Regular readers of Post Grad will recognize this networking advice from Handshake’s Christine Cruzvergara in our column on job applications!)

In college, when I asked for help with specific problems my start-up faced, I had a lot of success “recruiting” long-term mentors.

I would send specific yet brief cold messages on LinkedIn such as: “Hi [NAME]! Fellow ND alum here — I see your consulting firm helps start-ups hire tech talent. I’m wondering, would you have any advice on how I can source and hire tech talent on a first-time start-up budget?”

I also learned to always bring a work-in-progress or goal to a mentor conversation. When I first met with a potential writing mentor who had the job I wanted (opinion columnist!), I brought five article pitches to ask him about. Having specific content to discuss made for a really impactful and helpful first chat. Over time, our mentorship relationship grew, and I began to think of him not just as someone to help with my writing but as a career and life mentor, too.

3. Use your college and alumni network

If you’re a recent grad, the lowest-hanging fruit is getting in touch with alumni. I think I have had more than 10 mentors over the past five years — nearly all are alumni or employees of my alma mater. Many universities, like mine, have mentorship programs built into their alumni directories. In absolutely any social interaction, coming prepared with some common ground to discuss is key. If your university doesn’t have a strong alumni network, don’t be afraid to reach out to your professors and/or current employer.

One of my mentors, Mary Ellen Woods, found me through the director of my university’s entrepreneurship center. One email, and nearly three years later, Mary Ellen has become a mentor not just in business operations but in writing, friendship, faith and life. Whenever she’s in town, we chat over lunch at our favorite Vietnamese spot. Our relationship is authentic, and one of mutual respect and admiration.

4. Be ready to take criticism

Outside mentors will often tell you truths that family and friends won’t. They see a different version of you. My friend Matt advises recent grads to “set your ego aside” in mentorship relationships. After working with mentors, he understood that he struggled with saying no and standing up for his values in group situations. They encouraged him to be open about the difficulties that led him to smoke. “I definitely was resistant at first because I didn’t want to admit that I needed someone else’s help, especially since I wasn’t used to accepting help,” he says. Mentorship allowed him set more boundaries and stay truer to himself: “It’s a lot more manageable when you have a support system.”

5. Express your gratitude often

Though Mary Ellen tells me “the giving is the gift,” nothing feels as good as a sincere “thank you.” We should thank our mentors well, and often.

Whether we call it “mentorship” or not, we all need — and receive — help from others to achieve our goals. When you have a mentor in your corner cheering you on through life’s challenges, invite them to share in your celebrations, too. If you haven’t found that person yet, keep working toward your goals, showing up and mingling. Above all, trust: The mentors who will walk with you on your path are searching for you, too.

I want to hear from you! Respond to this week’s question, and I might include your reply in the Tuesday edition of my newsletter, which is available only via email. (It’s free!) This week, I want to know: Tell us about a mentor who has been impactful on your life or career. How did they help you? Fill out our form to tell us.

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