Co-parenting is a term that’s mostly associated with parents who are
divorced or separated, but still playing equal roles in raising their
children. However, it can also apply to couples who are still together, as
well as

other adults, such as stepparents, relatives, or close friends.

Adults in a co-parenting arrangement must make the children’s emotional and
physical needs

their top priority. That means separated or divorced co-parents must set their issues aside
for their children’s well-being. They will need to work together

for many years

to raise their children, so the better they can get along, the more
positive the experience will be, for all involved.

Communication

Successful co-parenting requires

open and honest communication. All the participants in the co-parenting arrangement should define and
understand their roles and relationships, as well as the rules that each
should follow. This also helps everyone realistically set and manage their
expectations and assists the caregivers in being consistent in their
parenting.

When former partners with animosity towards each other are co-parenting,
there are

some ways

they can make sure their communications help, rather than hinder, their
co-parenting relationship.

For starters, they should keep their communications focused on the children
and not use them to try to deal with the issues that caused them to
separate. They also should keep their communications businesslike and
consider how what they’re saying can come across before they say it.

Additionally, they should establish rules about how, and how often, they’re
going to communicate, and follow these rules, except in emergencies. They
also should communicate directly with each other, rather than relying on
intermediaries, especially if the intermediaries are the children.

Rules and routines

If the children are splitting time between households, they should be
allowed to have possessions (such as clothes and toys)

in both places, so each household feels like home. They also should have routines to
follow, so they know what to expect regardless of where they are.

One routine that should be developed involves how and when children go to
and from one household to another. The frequency of the switch, when and
where it occurs, who it involves, and how long it takes should be
consistent.

Establishing hand-off procedures is part of a larger process — developing
schedules that are centered on the children but work for everyone in the
co-parenting arrangement. In addition to daily life, the schedules need to
take holidays and vacations into account. Not surprisingly, there are

multiple apps

to help co-parents do this.

Rules should be as consistent as routines. Something that would get the
children disciplined in one home shouldn’t be allowed to occur in another
home. Along the same lines, co-parents who are separated or divorced
shouldn’t try to compete with each other for their children’s affection.

That doesn’t mean the adults in a co-parenting arrangement should try to be
like each other; they each have their own personality as well as different
skills they can bring to the arrangement. It does mean, however, that they
should formulate a common view of how they want to raise their children and
stick to it.

Collaboration

Although co-parents who are separated or divorced may sometimes have issues
with each other, they should try to be mutually supportive. That can
involve complimenting and thanking each other, both in private and in front
of their children. It also can involve

being deferential

to each other and being flexible when needed.

Co-parents also should keep each other apprised of things their children
accomplish when they’re with one co-parent but not the other. And they
should try to be present for important events in their children’s lives,
ranging from tee-ball and soccer games to graduations.

Additionally, co-parents should try to

be present

for such things as parent-teacher conferences, or meetings with doctors, to
discuss issues their children might have.

It’s often said that “it takes a village to raise a child.” This especially
holds true when it comes to raising children in a co-parenting arrangement.
With open communication, established rules and routines, and healthy
collaboration, children living in a co-parenting situation will not only
grow, but flourish!